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Confused by what you hear on our show? You’re not the only one. Or maybe you’re too lazy to click play on an episode but want to seem cool in front of a group of people who do listen to the podcast (and believe me, these are people you definitely want to impress). Well either way, the Insane Ramblings glossary can help you out!

Think of our glossary of an Insane Ramblings specific Urban Dictionary, but with less use of phrases like ‘dawg’ and ‘sargasm’, and more uses of phrases like ‘awesome envy’ and ‘snorgasm’.
*Now featuring 100% less ‘snorgasm’

Episodes 1-10

Episode 1 - I knew I rammed you for a reason
Term
Definition
Story fake out When someone reels you in with the wiggling worm of a great story then decides at the last moment that they don’t want to catch you with their great tale after all. 
Comparative flashbacks When someone tells you what awesome things they were doing, and you compare it, with the use of mental images, to the lame things that you were doing at the exact same time.
Awesome Envy Getting angry about losing the comparative flashbacks game.
Papercut proof suit A suit to protect you from injuries you might get from sleeping on your money.
Ab-finch A knock off of the Finch-ab™.
Finch-ab™ An ab workout machine, involving a bird of the Fringillidae family.
Sense of the bizarre

Whether or not you have enough sense to realise when something is weird.

Mildly-less-worse-fee

A fee which isn’t as bad as it as it could have been, but still bad.

Meaty-flavoured love

How Vicki reels in cats and men.

Non-ending-watching guilt

When someone bags you out for missing the secret ending of a film. Especially annoying when they themselves didn’t see it.

Desk-roamer

At work, a desk scavenger who has no space to work of their own, so they sit on wherever they can sit. A desk mercenary.


Episode 2 - I work hard, I play hard, I sleep hard
Term
Definition
Ah! Crab vs Scorpion fight Something to scream when you’ve woken up from a crazy dream.
The donut angels An imaginary army corp, recruited to have sex with an imaginary celebrity.
Laugh or I’ll Kill You! The world’s best ultimatum.
GPS When something is nearly there, but not quite. 97/3
Indiana Jones Apartment An apartment that slowly gets smaller, as the walls are pushed in.

Episode 3 - Cocainey Fresh
Term
Definition
Grandma

Pack animal. They need to be with their own kind to talk about bingo, the depression and dancing with the stars.

Rockstar moment

When you do something in the course of your everyday life that makes you feel like the greatest person. For example, getting a hole in one at minigolf.

Minigolf honesty

When you’ve never scammed a free minigolf game in your life.

Family deal breaker

When your family does something so irritating (eg. squeezing the toothpaste from the end of the tube) that you consider emancipation.

Lie of convenience When you lie, not because you’re afraid of getting in trouble, but because the real story would take too long to tell. Usually gets you into bigger trouble than the truth.
Wow of convenience

Similar to a lie of convenience. When someone tells you something you don’t care about, but pretending to really care is easier.

Celeb-u-look-alikes

When you try and make up a term that makes sense, and you just put several words together. Also used to describe celebrities who look alike.

History-tainment

A show that pretends to be factual.

Monk

A show that you can’t understand why is still on television because you don’t actually know anyone who watches it.

Sound-nazi

Someone who’s really touchy about how much noise you’re making. See: Ben

Woo

The utterance of a ghost that needs to work on it’s act.

Firemen jogging A measurement of distance.
Intellectual hottie

When someone who is well known for their contributions to academia is also unbelievably good looking.

Too big for Pythagoras

When you start using math too often to obtain rockstar moments and there’s a backlash.

"Should have left that one out of the video"

An expression, used when someone mentions something bad about you that you wouldn’t want to appear in your dating video.

Who Shot Glen, Homo

When you get completely punked by predictive text messaging.

Going Dutch What you owe someone who pays for a date.

Episode 4 - That guy's such a dick, that's why he reminds me of you!
Term
Definition
"I know that I love you" The only thing a boyfriend can say when his girlfriend sets a verbal trap for him. eg. “How much do you think this haircut cost me, based on its quality?”
Sitting Fee The biggest scam around; involving charging someone $25 to sit on a stool.
Sportsclub Whenever you get put into the reject bin because you’re not good enough to be allowed to do anything else. Eg. Primary Schools sports team.
Living with Brad The best sit-com never made. Most likely due to it being too 'high concept' for most audiences.
Claiming underwear after swimming day When you’re trying to get someone to own up to something that they obviously aren’t going to.
The Blackboard

Someone who’s a total jerk about your work for no good reason.

Cop Rock The most musical of our many rivals.
You win again, Cop Rock Shouted when your arch nemesis beats you.

Episode 5 - I did 30 percent of New Zealand men
Term
Definition
Season regular

Someone who appears in your life often enough that they would be in the credits if your life was a show.

Vampire

Someone who has to be invited into your house, but once they’re in, make themselves quite at home.

Web MD The world’s most accurate physician.
Sexual tension

The tension felt between two people who are attracted to each other.

Actual tension The tension felt between two people who are mad at each other. Often mistaken for sexual tension.
"It was earth all along"

How to tell someone you think they’re a monkey.

Toot-iquette How to use your car horn properly.
Chinese toot When you’re two cars behind the car that needs to move, and you toot, hoping that the car in front will toot too and pass on the message.
Billboard theory

The things you need to know before you make a billboard.

The hot room

What happens when you put idiots in a sauna.

Sheep dogging When you see someone cute and have nothing to do with them.

Episode 6 - I lost the opportunity to kiss the best looking 6 year old I ever met
Term
Definition
Podtease When someone promises to come and do a podcast with you, but pulls out at the last second. Also refer to the time between episodes, while anticipation builds for the next episode.
Pre-date When you pre-empt someone’s date by inviting the two people out before they have a chance to go the actual date together.
Regret-hair Just after you get your hair cut, and you realise how bad it looks.
Freak mustard accident When you throw some mustard on someone without meaning to on a first date and get to find out whether or not they have waxed their legs.
Razor legs When you haven’t shaved your legs in a while, and touching them becomes like patting some scissors.
"It takes money!"

When a celebrity is ridiculously misquoted by having their quote cut at each end.

"Okay, sure" What Vicki says far too often.
Speed dress When you have to quickly throw your clothes on, like when you hear someone creeping around your house and leap out of the shower to kill them.
Pop-in When someone just enters your house for no reason at whatever time suits them, without prior warning,
Master of the Pop-in Alex.
Win the breakup Having to do as much as you can to be better than your ex when you break up. Criteria includes (but is not limited to); how quickly you get over your ex, how attractive your new partner is and the time between the breakup and your next hookup.
Trojan girl When you put a really hot profile picture on a fake facebook page hoping to lure in your stupid male friends.
Make-out trap When someone lures you into a room to make out with you. 
"Shake it, baby"

Duke Nukem reference (or less frequently a Red Alert 2 reference).

Who Grows, Wins

A survival show about plants.

Hulked-up When you get so angry that you turn green and gain bulk.
"You gotta kill a few trees" An age old saying.
555 If someone’s number starts with this, you know that it’s fake. And they want you to know that it’s fake.
Tree rage When idiots try to plant trees, and they do it completely wrong which makes you hulk up.
The understanding girlfriend approach When you leave your significant other alone to do whatever crazy thing they’re set on doing.
On the lamb When you escape somewhere riding a lamb.
A fish stealer Someone that you don’t want to sleep with, because nobody wants to sleep with someone who would take a fish against its will.
"The octopus was framed!" When a story turns out not to be true.
Crimewatchers Somewhat like Crimestoppers but slightly less effective. Where onlookers stand by and let a crime happen.

Episode 7 - Haven’t you learned anything? The only way to get someone to love you is to lie!
Term
Definition
Aburrr? Noise of confusion.
Sexy Hunny Bunny Vicki Vicki's alter-ego in her spare time.
Windscreen wiper conformity The act of checking out other cars in order to ensure that you are not being over zealous in your wiper speed.
Keen wiper

When you get busted using your windscreen wipers too much.

The Zoolander of Indicators When you accidentally use your windscreen wipers instead of your indicators, meaning you can only turn right.
"Choose the clean dog"

When you try to ditch something that belongs to you because there’s a better option. The word 'dog' can be exchanged for any other object when it’s let you down, like “Choose the clean boyfriend!”

That time that is at night

Night time.

"You win this round, clothes"

When you’re getting punked by your house.

Blazer bill When you spend far too much on a frivolous item. Also the name of a fashionable cowboy.

Episode 8 - Away Seaboat!
Term
Definition
‘Four-wheel-drive talk show host’ When you go rogue off your show notes and talk about something you didn’t plan.
Bediquette The rules of how one can use a bed.
Bed-baggsing The act of calling dibs on a bed, a subset of Bediquette.
Impromptu threesome When someone starts having sex in a bed with you in it, and you don’t even mean to be involved.
Threesome by association Participating in a threesome because of your close proximity to sex.
'Out of there like a fox out of a hole' What to do in the event of an unwanted impromptu threesome.
Ice maker When you open a conversation as awkwardly as possible. The opposite of an ‘ice breaker’.
De-suit Everyone leaves and you just rip your clothes off, as if they were made of Velcro.
'The Drive-Home for Shift Workers' Night time.
Telecommunications mime When you send someone a picture message rather than just explaining what you mean.
Vicki, The Boring Ass Vampire A Sit-com about Vicki if she were a vampire, because she refuses to use her powers, since it’s unfair.
Dibs Like a sticker and an item. Dibs is many things. Baggsing something so that no one else can take it. Unless they’re a dibs violator.
'Flagrant violation of the dibs' When someone calls dibs, and you go ahead and take what they wanted anyway.
Dibber-dobber When you call someone out for violating the rules of dibs.
Relinquishing dibs Taking back your dibs on something.
Dibs expiring When you run out of time to use your dibs.
Cluedo dibs The best way to describe dibs rules, you can only call dibs on one person, one object and one place at once.
Pre-emptive dibs Calling dibs while still in a relationship.
Free agent Single person.
Super-keeno The step before stalker. Also contestants on The Bachelor.
Mutually assured stalking Facebook.
'You from the past knows things that you no longer know' Forgetting.
Past Vicki Someone who leaves money in jacket pockets for Future Vicki.
‘It’s a present from the past!’ Exclaimed when you find that money.
‘The bank totally punk’d me today’

Fees.

Rogue comedian When someone (with no comedy background) steals your jokes for use at an undetermined future occassion. AKA Alex.
Urban Dictionary spelling bee

Having a spelling bee using the words from Urban Dictionary.


Episode 9 - It was like Anne Frank but with more singing
Term
Definition
Man lies Very different to ordinary lies. Lies that men make for no reason.
Man lice Very different to ordinary lice.
Vicki lie A convincing lie.
Man bravado The act of showing someone up because you're a man. Often used in conjunction with unspoken eating competitions.
Dr Seuss Murder Murder in rhyme. "I am going to make you dead. I’ll slit your throat! It’s close to your head!"
Glee club Somewhere you can never escape.
Flee club

What you should attempt to do when faced with “Glee club”.

Supertrain World’s stupidest idea. (Alternatively worlds best idea - Ben).
True enemy Someone whose demise you plot.
Celebrity pass When you agree with your significant other about one celebrity that you’re allowed to sleep with.

'In the dirt'

Somewhere children play. Not an entertaining Mattel product.
Dirty word of the day calendar Another great idea for Alex to steal.
Killer python

A candy, just to clear up any confusion about what Ben eats.


Episode 10 - We all pay for sex, in one way or another
Term
Definition
10 on the pain scale Having a rabid animal nibble on your balls.
Lefticle Your left testicle.
'Right tighty, left loosey' Something you don’t want done to your balls.
10 McGee Someone who lies about how much pain they’re in.
One-for-one deal Either the best deal ever with your girlfriend, or the worst deal in the retail world.
The odd-threesome The natural sit-com progression from The Odd Couple.
'Swim in the penis pool' A dangerous, dangerous game.
Toe sex and love couscous Very confusing.
First date test Weird things you do on a first date to see if the date-e is cool.
Mr Super Nice Man A man whose super power is his amazing ability to be nice
Land of shoes Where the shop assistants have to go to get your size.
Shoes 'Protecting your feet from the ground!'
Ballet flats Just shoes!
Children Disgusting.
KFC Spider A spider in the microwave.
Greatest Hits Invitation Does not come with a plus one.
The court of aftershow The segment after a regular podcast, on account of an emergency extention to the podcast being called.
Court adjourned The 'Away Seaboat' of aftershows.